Team Pearl Izumi-Smith recently held a contest – “Which Animal do you Run Like”. The rules were simple, describe what animal you run like and why. The results are out (http://www.teampearlizumi-smith.com/?p=380) and while I was not able to secure the Grand Prize, I was able to bag one of the runner up spots with the following prose:
Animal You Run Like = A Sloth. Why?
-
Sloths are omnivores. I’m an omnivore.
-
Sloths have very large, specialized, slow-acting stomachs with multiple compartments in which symbiotic bacteria break down the foods they eat. While I probably don’t have multiple compartments to my stomach (I have never checked), I can break down most foods while running without issue or repercussion.
-
Sloths’ claws serve as their only natural defense. My black toe nails have been known to turn people into stone and, thus, are a great natural defense.
-
The main predators of sloths are the jaguar and the harpy eagle, both are fast and agile. My main predators are the fast and fleet of foot.
-
Sloths move only when necessary and even then very slowly. Anyone who has seen me run comes away thinking the same thing about me.
-
Sloths are considered among the most somnolent animals, sleeping from 15 to 18 hours each day. While I rarely get the chance to sleep that much, I can go toe to toe with a sloth (regardless of whether we are talking about a two-toed sloth or three-toed sloth) on the sleep front.
-
Sloths are very sturdily built and rarely die from a fall. I often fall when I run and I have yet to die.
-
Sometimes sloths’ low level of movement actually keeps males from finding females for longer than one year. This is dead on with my dating experiences.
